Well, it happened. I failed at writing a blog consistently.
Sometimes, when I don’t do something like I said I would, I get so down on myself that I end up never doing it at all. “It’s too late now,” I think, “might as well not even bother.” How very Eeyore of me. But today I say fuck that, and with the help of my motivating friends I’m writing this and will keep writing.
Confession: my life since moving to LA isn’t going exactly how I’d pictured. I planned to write this blog about all of the amazing things that I was doing in this amazing city, with amazing projects and amazing opportunities and amazing newly made friends.
Doesn’t that sound realistic? I don’t exist in a constant episode of The Bachelorette, so not everything has been so amazing. (Or incredible… or the best moment of my life. But I digress.)
Instead, I was nearly unemployed for two months when I first moved. I was constantly stressing about how to get cast in projects while making enough money to survive. I was struggling to make friends and go out and do things alone to meet people. I spent a lot of time in my room and on the computer, getting overwhelmed at the mere thought of what I needed to do next.
Recently I realized that my lack of blog writing had to do with a lot more than just not writing. I didn’t want to write about the good, the bad and the ugly: I only wanted to write about the good. And to me, my “good” wasn’t good enough to share. Because that’s what you share on social media, right? The best times. Leave the worst for you personal pen-and-paper diary. But that’s not what the point of this blog was; is. The point is to just share, to be real, to keep myself writing and document this time in my life. And maybe other people who’ve felt overwhelmed and downtrodden and lost like I have can relate.
Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t expect my acting career to emerge out of thin air and take off as soon as I set foot inside the city limits of LA. I don’t expect to be one of those lucky people you sometimes hear about who suddenly get discovered sitting at some cafe in Hollywood. I know that what I’ve chosen to strive for takes a shit ton of work and time. And I know that I’ve only lived here for four months. But knowing all these things doesn’t keep me from being hard on myself, and comparing myself to everyone else instead of just focusing on what it is that I came here to do.
And just because not everything has been newsworthy, doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t write about anything. Life is everything, and there is too little of life reflected in every other form of media.
So here are some of the actual, real-life amazing things that have happened since being here:
- Someone special came to visit, and we got to see my family in San Diego, and LA – and I finally saw Star Wars: The Force Awakens!
- I got to be an extra for Buzzfeed’s You do You, season 2! It was pretty cool to see how they make things happen there.
- I got a job! Working at a Color Me Mine (paint-your-own ceramics studio).
- I got to go on a Disney cruise, and go to Universal Studios, Orlando! Not to mention seeing 3 of my closest friends. It was honestly the trip of a lifetime.
- I got another job! Working as a social media consultant.
- One of my good friends from school came to visit, and I convinced him to move here. YAS!
- I got to be in a photoshoot on Lake Arrowhead, and my car made it up the mountain.
- My car passed a smog check.
- I still get to be a princess every weekend.
- I have created a Netflix account. This is important.
Am I still scared? Yes. Am I still bad at getting out of my room? Yeah. But I’m here; I’m still determined. I still have the love and support of incredible friends and family back home. I will still try, and try harder, and let myself be happy about the good parts even if the whole picture isn’t the stuff of fantasies.
This is real life, hence the silly all natural selfie accompanying this post. And as cliché as it sounds, I’m just gonna keep on keeping on.
my life:untitled 